What is one to say about all that has happened this year? I stopped listening to news on a regular basis a couple years ago. However, the tragedies continue to pierce my self imposed solitude. I read of these events (for the most part) filtered through the lens of Facebook posts or hear of them in the discussions with friends and loved ones who still watch the news.

This may be my last post for a while. I don’t know if I can take what I see in our great land, even filtered through my friends (many of whom disagree with one another – shh don’t tell them as I love them all for who they are, and do not want to lose any of them). It saddens me too much and makes it extremely difficult to refrain from getting sucked into the fray. The choice to love is difficult to maintain in a world where so much hate is displayed on such a regular basis. I don’t want to become so numb to the hate through repetition that I begin to see it as anything but what it is – pure ugliness and evil.

I’m not gay, but have gay friends. I’m not black, but have black friends. I’m not Muslim but have befriended Muslims. Recently I stopped by and spoke to the folks at the Sikh center here in Fishers (can’t call them friends yet, but I’m open to that) they are some real nice folks. One of my best friends who passed away years ago was Hindu. I’ve never served in the military, but have friends who are vets. I’ve never been a police officer, yet have friends who are or have been. Many of my friends own and shoot firearms, from AR-15’s to shotguns to semi-automatic pistols to Flintlocks, I even had a friend a number of years ago who shot a Matchlock.

So tell me which side do I take? Do I join the NRA and fight gun control? Do I instead support stricter gun control laws? Shortly after Orlando, a loved one I was speaking with brought up the topic of gun control. I try to avoid these conversations whenever possible. But the person clearly thought the US should pass additional gun control laws. I ask one question: “Why don’t they just enforce the laws already on the books?” The answer: “Oh they can’t enforce those laws!” then they moved on to smart gun technologies and thought that might be the answer. I moved on to silence until the next topic of conversation. I didn’t mention the fact that Orlando would not have been any different with such technology. It wasn’t important to our relationship. I understand their sentiments, and it’s OK with me if I’m not understood. We can agree not to agree.

What about the police? Which side do I choose on that? I cannot imagine any officer, much less any I know, who would want to be involved in a justified shooting ending in death much less one involving an unarmed citizen. Should I take the side of Black Lives Matter and protest the recent shootings of unarmed Blacks as murders? If not, (and in some cases if so) how do I maintain my friendships with my black friends? No, I don’t know personally what it is like to live as a black man in America. But I’ve spoken to those who do, they are strong and courageous men who admittedly live life with a different view of life in America, than mine and justifiably so. Additionally, the police officers I know do as well, they face challenges I cannot imagine on a daily basis. It’s a dangerous world out there and I am glad there are those willing to risk their lives to protect the rest of us.

My heart attack in February convinced me the most important part of this life here on earth is relationships! As I contemplated the possibility of that day being my last, my only thoughts were on the relationships I would no longer enjoy. Now even in the most difficult of times in life, it is only my relationships with others that hold any value.

Personally, I don’t like the word racism. Not that I think it does not exist, rather I believe there is only one race on the earth. The human race. You want to end racism? Simply acknowledge there is only one race! I don’t know about you, but all those I’ve ever conversed with come from the human race.

Bigotry on the other hand is rampant in every camp. And though I wish I could be free of it, it exists to some degree in my own heart. Bigotry – intolerance  toward those who hold different opinions from oneself. That’s the connecting tissue in all of what is really going on in this world. Bigotry is the pandemic from which we all suffer. It matters little whether you are straight or gay, Muslim/Sikh/Hindu/Christian/Jewish, Black/White/Latino/Asian, Police/veteran/politician! If you are intolerant to those who think differently form you – YOU ARE A BIGOT!!! Even the best of us, with even the slightest introspection, if we are honest with ourselves, will find this virus has infected us.

The only way I know to end bigotry is communication. Repeated communication. Deep honest communication over time. We need to open up to each other and really listen without our prejudices, without walls we’ve built to protect our own point of view. Without the rationalizations we’ve come up with to justify why we are right and others are wrong. Listen with an eye to understand and and ear to really hear the hopes and fears of others. We need leaders who can see both sides of the issue and lead us gently into understanding of each other, and reconciliation with each other.

Finally, approaching the elections we are coming to the end of the Obama presidency. Regardless of who you voted for eight years ago, history was made in electing the first black President of The United States of America. I am proud to have been living in this times to be able to see this historic event take place in our nations history. As we come to the end of this era however, I am extremely disappointed as to the conditions of polarization in our nation. I had hopes that a former community organizer would be able to ease any tensions between us. That such a man could bring us together in unity. However, from what I’ve seen and heard of the reaction(s) of this administration to the tragedies that have occurred the President has never left his former community. It would appear he does not, in any real way, have a sense of the bigger community which is the United States of America that he was elected to serve. All I see is that now eight years later we are further apart than we were eight years ago, and perhaps further apart than we’ve been in many more years than that. Unfortunately, the two presumptive nominees, no matter which you one select will only continue the trend. I believe, as a country, we have not been in such a precarious position (in the last 150 or so years) as we find ourselves currently.

“At what point then is the approach of danger to be expected? I answer, if it ever reach us, it must spring up amongst us. It cannot come from abroad. If destruction be our lot, we must ourselves be its author and finisher. As a nation of freemen, we must live through all time, or die by suicide.” Abraham Lincoln January 27, 1838

So I ask you: Can we talk?

A Quaker friend once explained the idea that every conversation, each interaction we have is Holy. This thought impressed me greatly. I have tried, ever since, to keep this idea in mind, admittedly with somewhat limited success at times. However, I’ve often pondered how daily interactions would change, with this thought kept predominate in heart and mind.

The thought also reminds me of Tolstoy’s “Three Questions” http://www.online-literature.com/tolstoy/2736/. Looking at the state of our world it is clear we have lost the idea of interactions as Holy. Imagine if prior to each interaction we paused just long enough to come to the realization we are entering Holy space.

When Moses came to see the burning bush he was told by God: “Do not come closer,” He said. “Remove the sandals from your feet, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.” To be Holy is to be set apart. The ground was not different in any material sense from the ground Moses stood on previously. Except that God had set that particular ground apart for a special purpose, His presence.

Similarly, with each interaction we enter, we stand on Holy ground. We should enter this space humbly, with our sandals off as it were. During my heart attack when I thought I might not see another day, the only real loss that concerned me was the loss of interaction with others; my family, my friends and acquaintances, even those I haven’t met. All that really matters in this life is the interaction with others.

My goal as I continue along this journey of life is to remember each time I enter a conversation, to enter with reverence, humbly, removing my sandals. For it truly is Holy ground; and the only way to truly live. Death is not the enemy, failing to live and love others is the enemy. My dear friend Kent expresses it this way: LLJ – Love Like Jesus. Look at the life of Jesus; each interaction entered into was Holy. The rich young ruler, the blind man, the woman at the well, even with the Pharisees, Jesus acted ultimately in love, with the best interest in mind of whomever he was with.

So as Tolstoy says “Remember then: there is only one time that is important — Now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power. The most necessary man is he with whom you are, for no man knows whether he will ever have dealings with any one else: and the most important affair is, to do him good, because for that purpose alone was man sent into this life.”

Interesting phenomena, we pray for a miracle, then once received we chalk it up to “well that would have happened anyway”. Really? How can we know for sure one way or the other? Therein lies the root of our doubt of the miraculous.

Some insist to prove miraculous the result must be in direct opposition of the laws of nature. Others, any happenstance that works out in their favor after prayer is a miracle. And yes, if you are wondering I do, at times, play both sides of this fence. Don’t we all?

Those who insist on the miraculous involving the impossible breaking of natural laws, appear to be seeking justification for their disbelief. After all, how can the maker of laws break them and expect their keeping. Others not wholly in this camp may simply be looking for irrefutable evidence before taking the risk of faith.

The true skeptics in the group are likely to be disappointed with any explanation why this cannot be the defining characteristic of the miraculous. Nothing I can say here will convince them otherwise. For them moving on to the next ‘item of interest’ may be the best use of their time.

Now back to the rest of us. We may still have on foot in the camp of iron clad proof or endless doubt. But we at least desire a degree of faith in miracles, and by default in the maker of miracles, God.

What brought up this line of thought was the return of a dear friend from his second mission trip to a country were years earlier in life he served our country in the military. We stood in the airport hugging each. He said he was glad to see me (no doubt referring to my heart attack).  When I realized neither of us should, by all rights, even be in that space and time. One a cancer survivor who was told two years earlier he would never make his first trip here returning from his second in as many years. The other surviving a heart attack less than three weeks earlier.

Coincidence or miraculous? I side with the miraculous, after all I am one. Yes, modern medicine has made great, even dare I say miraculous, advances in the treatment of medical conditions. However, many do not survive either pancreatic cancer or heart attacks.

Thinking of the series of events (coincidences for the doubters among us) that took place in my case it is nothing less than miraculous. That night as I sat on the edge of the bed trying to decide whether to wake my wife to tell her I was having a heart attack when my father’s words came back to me: “the only reason people die of a heart attack is they don’t get to the hospital soon enough”. The years my father trained to be a paramedic only for him to say that to me so many years ago. The hospital being less than 10 minutes from my house. My wife changing careers years earlier to become a nurse and knowing I should chew an aspirin. My marrying her in the first place (perhaps I should more rightly say in her marrying me). The advances in modern medicine in the treatment of heart attacks. These along with countless others all conspired that night three weeks ago to save my life. If that is not miraculous I don’t know what is.

While none of these singular events defied the laws of nature, together they formed what has become my miracle. We have become so used to the endless combination of seemingly unrelated events in our lives conspiring to form the miracles of our existence. I am not alone in the miraculous. Take a moment now to look back and see the amazing grace of the miracle of “unrelated” events in your own life that have brought you “safe thus far”, and know His “Grace will lead us home.”

So, Saturday marked the two week anniversary of my heart attack. Reflecting on my thoughts of that evening as I approached the hospital. I was afraid I would not be much longer to this world. Oddly, I was not so afraid for myself and what would become of me, but rather the things I would miss, family, loved ones and friends.

Years earlier I had the honor of walking, with a dear friend, on what would turn out to be the last miles of his journey in this life. Diagnosed with multiple myloma Steve prepared for treatment of his condition and whatever else was to come. Steve was aware the implications of his condition, including his own demise.

It was hard not to be impressed by Steve’s readiness to be used by God in anyway. Even if that meant the end of his life here on earth. Saturday night during my trip to the hospital with chest pains I was made aware in a new way the basis of Steve’s feelings about his own death. Steve knew without a doubt where he was going after this life, and that Saturday night I did as well.

I have always understood that until you are actually in a given situation it is impossible to know for sure how you will react. We all talk a good game of how brave, or strong, or prepared we will be. But until the time comes all the talk we can provide is mere puffery

Since that night I have thought about the origin of my believe in Christ. I have at various times acted and lived as an unbeliever. In fact I have tried to deny the existence of God and in particular Jesus Christ. I have failed each time with each attempt! I have a number of friends who do not believe and claim to be atheist or agnostic. But for myself I lack the faith to be either. It seems to me in some sense I have always believed, even in my unbelief.

Since my heart attack concern for my unbelieving friends has increased. The title of this post comes from Mark 5:36. Mark 5:21-43 tells the story of a man who humbles himself before Jesus to beg Him to come to save his daughter. Later the man gets word his daughter has died which prompts Jesus to say to the man “Don’t be afraid. Only believe.” These words have eased my fears and given me hope that my unbelieving friends, despite what some Christian brothers may say, can be restored to life in Him. Therefore I am not afraid, I only believe.