So, Saturday marked the two week anniversary of my heart attack. Reflecting on my thoughts of that evening as I approached the hospital. I was afraid I would not be much longer to this world. Oddly, I was not so afraid for myself and what would become of me, but rather the things I would miss, family, loved ones and friends.

Years earlier I had the honor of walking, with a dear friend, on what would turn out to be the last miles of his journey in this life. Diagnosed with multiple myloma Steve prepared for treatment of his condition and whatever else was to come. Steve was aware the implications of his condition, including his own demise.

It was hard not to be impressed by Steve’s readiness to be used by God in anyway. Even if that meant the end of his life here on earth. Saturday night during my trip to the hospital with chest pains I was made aware in a new way the basis of Steve’s feelings about his own death. Steve knew without a doubt where he was going after this life, and that Saturday night I did as well.

I have always understood that until you are actually in a given situation it is impossible to know for sure how you will react. We all talk a good game of how brave, or strong, or prepared we will be. But until the time comes all the talk we can provide is mere puffery

Since that night I have thought about the origin of my believe in Christ. I have at various times acted and lived as an unbeliever. In fact I have tried to deny the existence of God and in particular Jesus Christ. I have failed each time with each attempt! I have a number of friends who do not believe and claim to be atheist or agnostic. But for myself I lack the faith to be either. It seems to me in some sense I have always believed, even in my unbelief.

Since my heart attack concern for my unbelieving friends has increased. The title of this post comes from Mark 5:36. Mark 5:21-43 tells the story of a man who humbles himself before Jesus to beg Him to come to save his daughter. Later the man gets word his daughter has died which prompts Jesus to say to the man “Don’t be afraid. Only believe.” These words have eased my fears and given me hope that my unbelieving friends, despite what some Christian brothers may say, can be restored to life in Him. Therefore I am not afraid, I only believe.